My Letter which I can never write to my mom

Dear amma (as we call 'mother' in my mother tongue)

This is my first and probably my only letter to you. I ve never felt any necessity to write to you coz u were there always whenever I wanted to talk about anything under the sun.

The contents of this letter could be quite shocking to you and I may get a corporal punishment of life-long abandonment by you but still I cannot hide it any longer coz lying to you is tantamount to lying to me. I was in you , earlier a physical extension of you and now mentally.

I ve heard people saying whenever a gal attains puberty or during her delivery, she would prefer to be only with her mother. Similarly, I can tell this only to you. When I was hungry , u gave me milk, then food. When I was naked, u gave me clothes. When I was ignorant, u taught me everything even how to wash after using the washroom. When I grew up, u understood I need a companion and started pestering for my marriage.

Amma! What if I bring my companion in front of you and ask you and Appa (Thatz how we call father in my mother tongue) to bless us in our future life. If itz ok for you, I ve one more question for you. Wht if my companion is a guy ?

R u shocked ? R u screaming dat such a pervert cannot be born in ur womb ? Do you want to take me to a clinical psychiatrist to cure my "mental problem"? Do u think it is a result of a bad combination of planets ? Are you afraid abt the society ? Do u want me to marry a gal for the society's sake ?

I am rewinding my memories to my childhood. As a natural curiosity of any guy, I wanted to see naked bodies and how the genders differ physically. I was not at all attracted by female bodies. Amma! It is not a mental problem nor a bad planetary influence. It is sexual orientation or just a gender preference. In simple terms its like the food and color of my shirt which I prefer. I am not an eunuch. I am quite masculine. I am not thinking dat I am a gal nor am I inclined to wear a woman's attire.

Amma! Do u know how I felt bad when I understood I am different? But definitely not now. Itz my way. Itz my life. I am not a pervert but quite special. I am off the crowd treading a lonely path. In fact, there is no path before me. I ve to find it myself.

This is not a disease to be cured by a therapy like hypnotism but a way of life in which I am quite comfortable with.

Do u want me to marry a gal and spoil her life ? Wht right do I ve for dat? I can see her just as a friend . Definitely not beyond dat.

I know I ve shattered ur dreams. U cant show with pride the album of my marriage with a gal, have a gal assist you in the daily chores of the kitchen , u cant play with ur grandchildren. All your life, you have lived for me not for you. Instead of burying both of our dreams , y not try to enliven one of them - at least mine ?

Do you know my dream ? I wanna bring my companion and start our life with ur blessings. We ll stay in our home itself. We ll b two good sons of you, getting our heavenly comfort in ur laps. We ll relish the dishes prepared by you exclusively for us and go for picnics with the entire family.....Its quite long.

Will you ? I had never received a NO from you for anything which I had asked for. I am sure abt this time also. But I am just pondering over how to make this letter reach you.

Ever your loving son (in spite of being a gay)